The last person killed by a bear attack in the continental United States occurred in September, 2014 when a small group of hikers stumbled across a grumpy black bear on a beautiful fall Sunday afternoon. The group split when the bear charged and later the body of one of the hikers was found nearby. Where did this occur you ask? Glacier NP? Yellowstone NP? The isolated and rugged backwoods of Colorado? Nope.  It happened to a group of friends on a day hike in northern New Jersey. Yes, that Jersey. The Garden State. Home of the Boss, closing bridge lanes for political spite, and mob guys with Russian mistresses and questionable cement contracts.  And a small black bear population in the Apshawa Preserve- a large nature preserve in the northwest part of the state.

The previous death by bear attack on record in New Jersey happened in 1852. Sure, this recent victim had been told there was a bear in the area and was found to have taken pictures of the bear with his cell phone at close range but I’d take chances too if something hadn’t happened since before the Gettysburg Address.  I can’t help but wonder if his last thoughts were “ARE YOU SERIOUS? THIS IS %&#@$ NEW JERSEY!!!” Questionable actions aside, it’s more proof that if you are going to wander into bear territory, anything can happen.

I decided to read through the wikipedia list of fatal bear attacks since 1850 to see if there was a central cause to many of the attacks and therefore if I stayed away from that cause, I could further increase my chances of avoiding an attack. However, since the chances of being attacked are infinitesimally small in the first place, the only possible tangible benefit from reading the list would be an increase to my peace of mind. The “I wouldn’t do that, so that wouldn’t happen to me” theory. Hmmmm…..reading about bear attacks to increase one’s peace of mind from bear attacks?  It sounded like solid logic at the time. Hard to find peace of mind when the more you read the more you think “Holy shit!”

Attacks have occurred in circumstances I won’t find myself in. Hunters field-dressing carcasses, people living full-time in bear territory, or an amateur naturalist squatting among the bears. The victims are a 50/50 mix of people who live and/or work in bear territory and hikers spending a day or night in it. There have been a few photographers and naturalists who were actively seeking bears and got more than they bargained for. For the most part there is one central theme to almost all bear maulings and unless you choose to spend absolutely no time in land occupied by bears you can’t avoid it: bad luck.

It is nothing but bad luck that one day a grizzly decides to tear the door off your trailer or crash through your cabin window and kill you. It’s bad luck that you turn a corner on a trail and run into a mama and her cubs. It’s bad luck that you take your dog for a walk at your Arizona country club and a bear decides to play eighteen holes and maul you (whether the bear played golf cannot be confirmed). And it’s the worst luck and the scariest of all propositions when a bear decides to drag you from your tent in the middle of the night and turn you into a midnight snack. Like here. And here. Or twice in one night.

I’m not saying turning a corner and coming face to face with a 500 lb sow and her cubs isn’t frightening. I can’t imagine running into your cabin and believing you are safe only to have the grizzly crash through the window. But the prospect of being awoken from a deep slumber and dragged away in the dark of night seems horrific.

Next week I will take a day hike through Yellowstone and in the upcoming weeks hike and camp in areas bears have been spotted. These are by no means dangerous excursions. They are areas frequented and camped all the time by thousands of people and the chances of spotting a bear much less close encountering one are extremely small. But so was the case on a day hike in New Jersey until lady bad luck came a’calling.

As somebody once said “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself”. True, until you get dragged from a tent in the middle of the night……

Next week- My Seven Ridiculous and Improbable Ideas I’ve Conceived if I am Attacked