After writing the post about searching for “home,” a conversation ensued with my Mom in regards to how I felt about moving so much in my childhood. When I said “I didn’t mind it so much” she instantly replied “You hated it.” I’ll admit I don’t have the best of memories but that’s a big bullet point to get wrong.

It got the gears in my head turning about my relationship with the past and the two main issues I deal with in regards to the past- the filter I see that past through and how I let the past control my thoughts on the future.

The filter allows me to look back and re-examine the tough times through a whole different perspective and it almost always lessens the toughness. Boot camp wasn’t really that hard, moving around didn’t bother me, and high school didn’t suck too bad (no, I take that back, high school was horrible). Even the things I know had a profound effect on me, like my parent’s divorce, feel less profound through the lens of time.

The larger problem is the way I let the past drag me down. Even though I know (I KNOW!) the future is bright, there are things in my past I’ve experienced that I don’t allow myself to trust will occur in my future. Adventures, love, success, life-changing experiences, life-affirming experiences, and many more. I refer too often to the ones I have rather than look ahead to the ones in my future. The energy exhausted in this exercise ends up excluding the belief (and therefore the possibility) that as many amazing things lie in my future as have in my past.

It’s time to use both of these thoughts more to my advantage. The trick is to readjust the filter so it not only works on the past but the present. Instead of looking back and thinking it wasn’t that bad, think that thought today. Now. Whatever it is, it’s not that bad.

And to start trusting the future. My future. Today.